Comments on: marriage strengthening? http://joiningforcesamerica.org/2008/10/13/marriage-strengthening/ Community support for returning servicemembers Sun, 01 Aug 2010 10:30:43 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5.1 By: Will Wilson http://joiningforcesamerica.org/2008/10/13/marriage-strengthening/#comment-43 Will Wilson Wed, 15 Oct 2008 19:12:18 +0000 http://joiningforcesamerica.org/?p=62#comment-43 Here might be a key about working with military couples and deployments. Here is a starting point that emerged from my dissertation. My main topic was a comparison of satisfaction in military versus civilian couples at a specific age of life. As a sidebar, I was curious about the effect of deployment on the couple. I especially focused on the initial separation; mid-deployment meetings; and the return. Basically: 100% of the men (deployed) and women (stay at home) answered the same way: What was the worst part of the separation: Men – when I left Women – When he returned When thinking about your spouse, what was the worst part of the separation for him or her. Men about his spouse – when I left Women about her spouse – when he returned Both thought their partner was having exactly the same reaction to the separation and yet they were totally out of synch. And as they sought to work it through, the communication was ineffective due to a fundamental assumption that my partner sees it the same way I do, but will not address it. It seems to me that that huge gaps in understanding and assumptions creates a considerable gap. That gap needs to be addressed and an understanding of the partner’s experience and point of view before any headway can be made. I regards to approaches, tools and models: our next step will to develop and make those available here and affiliated with joiningforcesamerica. If you have ideas, bring them on! Tx, Will Here might be a key about working with military couples and deployments.
Here is a starting point that emerged from my dissertation. My main topic was a comparison of satisfaction in military versus civilian couples at a specific age of life.
As a sidebar, I was curious about the effect of deployment on the couple. I especially focused on the initial separation; mid-deployment meetings; and the return.

Basically: 100% of the men (deployed) and women (stay at home) answered the same way:
What was the worst part of the separation:
Men – when I left
Women – When he returned

When thinking about your spouse, what was the worst part of the separation for him or her.
Men about his spouse – when I left
Women about her spouse – when he returned

Both thought their partner was having exactly the same reaction to the separation and yet they were totally out of synch. And as they sought to work it through, the communication was ineffective due to a fundamental assumption that my partner sees it the same way I do, but will not address it.

It seems to me that that huge gaps in understanding and assumptions creates a considerable gap. That gap needs to be addressed and an understanding of the partner’s experience and point of view before any headway can be made.

I regards to approaches, tools and models: our next step will to develop and make those available here and affiliated with joiningforcesamerica.

If you have ideas, bring them on!

Tx,

Will

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