Retired
1) Don’t try to understand. Unless it was experienced, it cannot be understood. After a very traumatic and terrifying experience a good friend of mine looked at me and said, “How do we even describe the gravity of the situation to someone?”. All too often you can’t.
2) The experiences are not table talk with family members and often times, not even appropriate for discussion in public. Quite frankly, most of the public cannot handle it. Its not the sawed down edited version that needs to come out. It is the felt and witnessed truth that needs to come out. I never wanted my friends and family to ever know as no human should ever be witness to the horror of death and descruction.
3)If a conversation does began with someone trying to communicate their experiences, simply saying “I am listening” is often times all that is needed. Anything else could shut the conversation down or start an arguement.
4) Be prepared for horrific details and remember silence is Golden. Use judgement if you want to ask a question.
5) Any thanks, praise, hugs (when and where appropriate), “I Love You”, and support in general are always appreciated and helpful as they made me feel I always did the right thing.
July 26th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
This was so on target.
Reading your thoughts gave be great pause and contemplation.
How do we help the families understand?
How do help all the people who want to help understand.
Just the idea that I needed - or need - help is hard to digest.
I guess that at some level I wanted people to care, but at the same time, I did not want to talk about it.
August 4th, 2008 at 11:17 am
Dear Retired,
I agree with both you and Col. Wilson that this information is right on. There are so many perspectives that we each hold, and no one can understand; we can however care!
RandyLynn
Prior U.S. Navy